“James, what’s wrong?” the friend asked. “Is it the work?”

            Joyce indicated assent without even raising his head to look at his friend.  Of course it was the work; isn’t it always?

            “How many words did you get today?” the friend pursued.

            Joyce (still in despair, still sprawled facedown on his desk): “Seven.”

            “Seven? But James… that’s good, at least for you!”

            “Yes,” Joyce said, finally looking up. “I suppose it is… but I don’t know what order they go in!” 

~Stephen King, On Writing

”I've got problems,” I told the doc.  "Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody 
under it.  I'm scared.  I think I'm going crazy.'

' 

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” he said. “Come talk 
to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

' 

“How much do you charge?'

'

“Eighty dollars a visit.” 

”I'll sleep on it.” 

Six months later, I ran into the doc at the local watering hole. “Why didn't you come to 
see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well,” I said,  “Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot 
of money.  The bartender cured me for $10.  I was so happy to have saved all 
that money, I bought myself a new car!'

'

“Is that so!” he said, with a bit of an attitude. “And how, may I ask, did 
the bartender cure you?'

' 

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there 
now!”  
 
 

Shrink 0 Bartender 1

He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment...

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call."

Then G-d made the earth round.

Now, we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.